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Monday, August 01, 2005

Since You've Been Gone

Earlier today I posted a simple link from the words 'Miss You' to this blog entry. While it expressed my emotions perfectly, it was not all I wanted to do to mark the first anniversary since my friend Mario Ellul passed away. So now I'm replacing that link with this text in memory of Mario.

Emotions of grief and mourning are among the feelings I have the hardest time dealing with. Over the past year I have noticed that I've had a harder time with these emotions than in previous years, even though (or maybe because) no one in my immediate family died. Dealing with death is something we should be taught about as we're growing up. At the risk of sounding blasphemous, I'm afraid that "he's with Jesus now" just doesn't do it for me. This is especially the case when mourning people who die young, like Mario.

While I'm fully aware that we all must die sooner or later, early deaths sadden me far more than any others. Today I want to list a bunch of things from my blog just to explore why it seems easier to appreciate what we've lost once it's gone.

August 2004
My Tell Tale Heart: how ironic that I should discover that my heart needs more attention just when it did.

September 2004
Goodbye Louis: is there really a band in heaven where Mario and Louis can play together again? Or is that idea too corny anyway?

October 2004
Teenage Kicks: it's most sad when we die before our dreams.

November 2004
November Rain: thinking about the reality of impermanence helps...or does it?

December 2004
Gone (you can keep this suit of lights): in the five years we've been doing this, I don't think we've had a list I've had a rougher time dealing with than this one.

January 2005
Favorite Waste of Time: is life too short to waste on such trivia? Why do we do it anyway?

February 2005
Like a Rolling Stone: and just when I think I'm getting a grip some gonzo turns on the blender again.

March 2005
Good Times Bad Times: how can we long for the good old days when the bad new days consume us the way they do?

April 2005
Death Singing: the Maltese saying Ħadd wara Ħadd, fl-aħħar imiss lill-Papa is most suitable here.

May 2005
Goodbye Julian: when you least expect it is the best time to make peace with the best and the worse of it all.

June 2005
You Can't Erase a Mirror: whenever I get a glimpse of a new dawn I dig in deep and wait for the rays of the new sun to blind my eyes.

July 2005
All Those Years Ago: I want to believe that we live on through the good deeds of the people we touch.

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